{"id":431,"date":"2018-06-10T12:52:49","date_gmt":"2018-06-10T12:52:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/psihologterapeutiasi.ro\/?p=431"},"modified":"2018-06-10T13:14:33","modified_gmt":"2018-06-10T13:14:33","slug":"frica-de-tradare-sau-cand-seful-sunt-doar-eu","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/psihologterapeutiasi.ro\/index.php\/2018\/06\/10\/frica-de-tradare-sau-cand-seful-sunt-doar-eu\/","title":{"rendered":"FRICA DE TR\u0102DARE&#8230; sau c\u00e2nd \u0219eful sunt doar eu"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-family: Gabriola; font-size: 24px;\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-438\" src=\"https:\/\/psihologterapeutiasi.ro\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/06\/34817692_629786980688570_5966053893082185728_n-300x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/psihologterapeutiasi.ro\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/06\/34817692_629786980688570_5966053893082185728_n-300x300.jpg 300w, https:\/\/psihologterapeutiasi.ro\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/06\/34817692_629786980688570_5966053893082185728_n-100x100.jpg 100w, https:\/\/psihologterapeutiasi.ro\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/06\/34817692_629786980688570_5966053893082185728_n-600x600.jpg 600w, https:\/\/psihologterapeutiasi.ro\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/06\/34817692_629786980688570_5966053893082185728_n-150x150.jpg 150w, https:\/\/psihologterapeutiasi.ro\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/06\/34817692_629786980688570_5966053893082185728_n-768x768.jpg 768w, https:\/\/psihologterapeutiasi.ro\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/06\/34817692_629786980688570_5966053893082185728_n.jpg 960w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span><span style=\"font-family: Gabriola; font-size: 24px;\">Nu \u0219tiu dac\u0103 cineva poate evalua care dintre r\u0103nile emo\u021bionale e mai dureroas\u0103 \u0219i mai greu de tr\u0103it cu ea. Pentru fiecare dintre noi ceea ce suferim e de fapt cu mult mai greu \u0219i mai dureros dec\u00e2t ceea ce tr\u0103iesc ceilal\u021bi. <\/span><!--more--><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: Gabriola; font-size: 24px;\">Dac\u0103 rana abandonului, de care am vorbit \u00een articolul precedent, se instaleaz\u0103 \u00een primii doi ani din via\u021b\u0103, rana sau frica de tr\u0103dare se instaleaz\u0103 \u00eentre doi \u0219i patru ani. Tr\u0103darea este opus\u0103 fidelit\u0103\u021bii, la un copil instal\u00e2ndu-se aceast\u0103 fric\u0103 \u00een momentul \u00een care \u00a0\u00ee\u0219i pierde \u00eencrederea \u00eentr-o persoan\u0103 semnificativ\u0103 din via\u021ba sa, c\u00e2nd aceasta nu-\u0219i \u021bine promisiunile sau nu se comport\u0103 conform a\u0219tept\u0103rilor sale. Pentru a putea dep\u0103\u0219i suferin\u021ba, copilul \u00ee\u0219i va \u201econstrui\u201d o masc\u0103, cea a dominatorului, prin care va crea impresia c\u0103 are totul sub control, va respecta toate angajamentele \u0219i nimic din \u201eraza lui vizual\u0103\u201d nu scap\u0103 de evaluare, judecat\u0103, pedeaps\u0103. La el totul trebuie s\u0103 fie corect, logic, cu reguli clare, nu exist\u0103 abatere de la adev\u0103rul lui, ca nu cumva s\u0103 fie pus \u00een situa\u021bia s\u0103 simt\u0103 tr\u0103darea celuilalt.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: Gabriola; font-size: 24px;\">\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <strong>Iat\u0103 c\u00e2teva comportamente specifice celor care au rana tr\u0103d\u0103rii:<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: Gabriola; font-size: 24px;\">Sunt foarte exigen\u021bi cu ei \u00een\u0219i\u0219i \u0219i cu cei din jur. Nu pot accepta abaterile \u0219i actele de la\u0219itate. Doresc s\u0103 fie totul perfect, \u201eca la carte\u201d, ei nu admit gre\u0219eala, prin asta demonstr\u00e2nd tuturor corectitudinea lor, cuv\u00e2ntul dat&#8230;. deci nu se accept\u0103 \u00eenc\u0103lcarea promisiunilor&#8230; adic\u0103 tr\u0103darea!<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: Gabriola; font-size: 24px;\">Pentru a nu se trezi cu surprize, adic\u0103 cu incertitudine, vor s\u0103 controleze totul: nu suport\u0103 s\u0103 fie lua\u021bi prin surprindere, au dificult\u0103\u021bi cu persoanele autoritare care vor s\u0103-i controleze, mai mult, evit\u0103 cu dib\u0103cie situa\u021biile unde simt c\u0103 nu vor putea de\u021bine controlul;<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: Gabriola; font-size: 24px;\">Pentru a avea totul sub control \u0219i a \u0219ti exact ce se va urma, se simte \u00eendrept\u0103\u021bit s\u0103 le organizeze via\u021ba celor din jur. Pot crea diverse scenarii prin care s\u0103-\u0219i justifice controlul asupra celorlal\u021bi, \u00een eventualitatea c\u0103 s-ar putea \u00eent\u00e2mpla \u201eceva\u201d, acesta fiind de fapt \u0219i o surs\u0103 ascuns\u0103 de hr\u0103nire a stimei de sine: Doar el \u0219tie cum e mai bine pentru ceilal\u021bi!<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: Gabriola; font-size: 24px;\">Faptul c\u0103 \u00ee\u0219i ia rolul de salvator \u00een rela\u021biile cu cei din jur, \u00eel face s\u0103 se simt\u0103 puternic, ceilal\u021bi fiind descalifica\u021bi \u00een mod implicit. Este o modalitate de a-\u0219i ar\u0103ta o putere artificial\u0103, \u00een lipsa unei puteri interioare autentice;<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: Gabriola; font-size: 24px;\">Dominatorul se simte insultat c\u00e2nd cineva se amestec\u0103 \u00een treburile lui. Devine furios pentru c\u0103 simte c\u0103 cel\u0103lalt nu are \u00eencredere \u00een capacit\u0103\u021bile lui;<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: Gabriola; font-size: 24px;\">De c\u00e2te ori sunt pu\u0219i \u00een situa\u021bia de a lua o hot\u0103r\u00e2re stau \u00een cump\u0103n\u0103, sunt nehot\u0103r\u00e2\u021bi, av\u00e2nd suspiciuni asupra rezultatului care poate s\u0103 nu fie conform a\u0219tept\u0103rilor. Dac\u0103 pierd vor trebui s\u0103 recunoasc\u0103 c\u0103 nu au avut control asupra situa\u021biei, ceea ce este foarte greu pentru dominator: Nu le-a ie\u0219it, deci nu \u0219i-au respectat cuv\u00e2ntul fa\u021b\u0103 de ei \u00een\u0219i\u0219i sau fa\u021b\u0103 de ceilal\u021bi!<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: Gabriola; font-size: 24px;\">Au tendin\u021ba de a presupune ce vor face sau ce vor spune al\u021bii, acesta d\u00e2ndu-le o siguran\u021b\u0103 c\u0103 nu vor exista abateri care s\u0103 le creeze incertitudine. Anticiparea ac\u021biunilor celorlal\u021bi le va diminua frica de tr\u0103dare, c\u0103 ceilal\u021bi nu vor ac\u021biona conform a\u0219tept\u0103rilor, \u00een schimb pre\u021bul pl\u0103tit este mare: sunt stresa\u021bi \u0219i nu mai tr\u0103iesc prezentul cu intensitate, toate ac\u021biunile lor viz\u00e2nd de fapt frica de viitor;<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: Gabriola; font-size: 24px;\">Stresul acumulat pe fondul anxiet\u0103\u021bii \u0219i incapacitatea de gestionare a acestuia, poate duce la apari\u021bia bolilor pe fond psihosomatic;<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: Gabriola; font-size: 24px;\">G\u0103sesc justific\u0103ri puternice pentru ca ceilal\u021bi s\u0103 fac\u0103 \u0219i s\u0103 spun\u0103 doar cum vor ei;<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: Gabriola; font-size: 24px;\">Privirea dominatorului este intens\u0103, seduc\u0103toare \u0219i \u00eei face pe ceilal\u021bi s\u0103 se simt\u0103 importan\u021bi. Este specialist \u00een a g\u0103si mijloace de seduc\u021bie diverse. Are mereu \u201ecuvintele la el\u201d \u0219i de obicei se creeaz\u0103 o rela\u021bie special\u0103 \u00eentre b\u0103rbatul dominator \u0219i soacra lui, care, de multe ori, lipsit\u0103 de afec\u021biunea \u0219i aten\u021bia so\u021bului, se las\u0103 sedus\u0103 emo\u021bional;<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: Gabriola; font-size: 24px;\">Le este team\u0103 de noi angajamente pentru c\u0103 nereu\u0219ita, renun\u021barea, este interptretat\u0103 \u00een cheia tr\u0103d\u0103rii;<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: Gabriola; font-size: 24px;\">Comunicarea este deficitar\u0103: nu au r\u0103bdare s\u0103 a\u0219tepte un r\u0103spuns pentru c\u0103 ei oricum \u0219tiu \u201er\u0103spunsul corect\u201d, justific\u0103 p\u00e2n\u0103 la epuizare ceea ce spun, ridic\u0103 tonul, iar dreptatea e doar una: A lor! De multe ori nu-i las\u0103 pe ceilal\u021bi s\u0103 termine ceea ce au de spus deoarece trag concluzia \u00eenainte. Este esen\u021bial s\u0103 aib\u0103 ultimul cuv\u00e2nt \u0219i nu de pu\u021bine ori chiar p\u0103r\u0103se\u0219te \u201eringul\u201d discu\u021biei, l\u0103s\u00e2ndu-i pe ceilal\u021bi debusola\u021bi \u0219i chiar umili\u021bi;<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: Gabriola; font-size: 24px;\">Are foarte des oscila\u021bii de dispozi\u021bie. Poate fi iubitor, atent, dar \u00ee\u0219i poate schimba atitudinea \u00eentr-un timp foarte scurt, devenind furios \u0219i irascibil dintr-un motiv banal. Dac\u0103 lucrurile nu se desf\u0103\u0219oar\u0103 conform a\u0219tept\u0103rilor lui, dac\u0103 nu ai executat \u00een \u201esecunda doi\u201d devine foarte agresiv: te judec\u0103, te critic\u0103, te umile\u0219te;<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: Gabriola; font-size: 24px;\">Se consider\u0103 o persoan\u0103 puternic\u0103, ambi\u021bioas\u0103, cu dorin\u021b\u0103 de afirmare, corect\u0103, loial\u0103, sincer\u0103, ce nu este influen\u021babil\u0103. \u00cen schimb judec\u0103 pe cei din jur, critic\u0103, ironizeaz\u0103, g\u0103se\u0219te mereu vinova\u021bi pentru neputin\u021bele sale;<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: Gabriola; font-size: 24px;\">Indiferent de sex, dominatorului \u00eei place s\u0103 aib\u0103 ini\u021biativa \u0219i s\u0103 fie el cel care seduce. Dac\u0103 cel\u0103lalt refuz\u0103 apropierea sexual\u0103 se va sim\u021bi tr\u0103dat. \u00cei place s\u0103 se \u00eendr\u0103gosteasc\u0103, iar c\u00e2nd pasiunea se stinge caut\u0103 modalit\u0103\u021bi prin care s\u0103-l determine pe cel\u0103lalt s\u0103 rup\u0103 rela\u021bia, pentru a nu fi acuzat de tr\u0103dare;<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: Gabriola; font-size: 24px;\">Este neiert\u0103tor \u0219i elimin\u0103 din via\u021ba lui pe cei care consider\u0103 c\u0103 i-au gre\u0219it. Foarte greu acord\u0103 o a doua \u0219ans\u0103 \u0219i nu-\u0219i d\u0103 seama c\u00e2t r\u0103u \u00ee\u0219i face r\u0103zbun\u00e2ndu-se. Tr\u0103darea nu se iart\u0103!<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: Gabriola; font-size: 24px;\">Nu \u00ee\u0219i arat\u0103 \u201er\u0103nile\u201d, vulnerabilitatea, ca nu cumva s\u0103 profite cineva de sl\u0103biciunile sale. Este sceptic, se confeseaz\u0103 greu, nu are \u00eencredere \u00een oameni, deoarece a avut c\u00e2ndva&#8230; \u0219i a fost tr\u0103dat.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: Gabriola; font-size: 24px;\">\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Con\u0219tientiz\u00e2nd rana de tr\u0103dare \u0219i urm\u00e2nd un proces terapeutic, ne putem elibera de mult\u0103 suferin\u021b\u0103 fizic\u0103 \u0219i emo\u021bional\u0103.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: right;\"><span style=\"font-family: Gabriola; font-size: 24px;\">Psiholog clinician \u2013 psihoterapeut<\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: Gabriola; font-size: 24px;\">Antoanela \u2013 Carmen\u00a0Cogian<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-family: Gabriola; font-size: 24px;\">Copierea sau reproducerea f\u0103r\u0103 men\u021bionarea sursei este strict interzis\u0103!<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Nu \u0219tiu dac\u0103 cineva poate evalua care dintre r\u0103nile emo\u021bionale e mai dureroas\u0103 \u0219i mai greu de tr\u0103it cu ea. Pentru fiecare dintre noi ceea ce suferim e de fapt cu mult mai greu \u0219i mai dureros dec\u00e2t ceea ce tr\u0103iesc ceilal\u021bi. <br \/>\n <a class=\"read-more-link\" href=\"https:\/\/psihologterapeutiasi.ro\/index.php\/2018\/06\/10\/frica-de-tradare-sau-cand-seful-sunt-doar-eu\/\">READ MORE<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":438,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,5],"tags":[17,14,15,18],"class_list":["post-431","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-articole","category-dezvoltare-personala","tag-antoanela-carmen-cogian","tag-psiholog-iasi","tag-psihoterapeut-iasi","tag-tradare"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/psihologterapeutiasi.ro\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/06\/34817692_629786980688570_5966053893082185728_n.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/psihologterapeutiasi.ro\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/431","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/psihologterapeutiasi.ro\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/psihologterapeutiasi.ro\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/psihologterapeutiasi.ro\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/psihologterapeutiasi.ro\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=431"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/psihologterapeutiasi.ro\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/431\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":439,"href":"https:\/\/psihologterapeutiasi.ro\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/431\/revisions\/439"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/psihologterapeutiasi.ro\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/438"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/psihologterapeutiasi.ro\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=431"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/psihologterapeutiasi.ro\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=431"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/psihologterapeutiasi.ro\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=431"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}